Life is full of changes — many of them hard to deal with. How can we understand and cope with the stress of life’s transitions?
What Is a Life Transition?
A life transition is any change or adjustment that impacts your life in a significant way. We all experience transitions throughout our lives — big and small, planned and unplanned.
Transitions may be centered around something exciting, such as starting a new job or an addition to your family. They can also be prompted by distressing situations, such as the loss of a loved one or the onset of a pandemic. Transitions can involve exciting changes, distressing ones, or even just milestones. For example, many people struggle with changes such as turning 40, retiring, or becoming a parent.
Why Are Life Transitions Challenging?
Life transitions (even the exciting ones) can be challenging for several reasons.
- Change: A life transition represents a change from what we were accustomed to previously. Even if we would call this a “good” change, the process of getting adjusted to a new routine can be effortful. Consider the example of moving to a new town or city. This may be an exciting change that you are looking forward to, but as you make this transition, you’ll need to learn things like a new route to get to work, what grocery stores have the best produce, or where you can go for an evening walk. The process of learning new routines involves more energy and effort than we typically devote to everyday tasks.
- Increased stress: In response to a life transition, people experience different types of stress. Sometimes people experience eustress, a form of stress that helps you feel motivated to take on challenges and make forward progress. However, stress that continues for an extended period of time can negatively impact you emotionally, physically, and mentally. This makes a transition even more difficult to navigate.
- Unexpected transitions: Transitions that happen unexpectedly and have a direct impact on our daily lives can be very challenging to cope with. For example, accidents, job loss, and pandemics can happen without much warning. Ultimately, when we are caught off guard by a life transition, it is challenging to navigate because we haven’t had the chance to prepare.
RELATED POST: The Inevitability of Change
Tips for Dealing with Transitions:
- Prepare (when you can). When possible, try to prepare for your transition. This may involve outlining a plan for the logistics of your transition — or just setting a helpful mindset.
- Set reasonable expectations. Unmet expectations can create frustration or stress. If you expect that navigating a transition will just be “a breeze,” and it doesn’t work out that way, you may find yourself feeling disappointed. Instead, try to set the reasonable expectation that you will likely feel stressed and overwhelmed at times. It’s also helpful to remember that feeling stressed during transitions is completely normal!
- Develop a routine. Establishing a routine can help you adjust to a transition. Consider creating morning and evening routines to facilitate a sense of consistency. Regular sleep and wake times, a daily walk, meditation, or intention-setting for the day can be great additions to your routine.
- Check your self-talk. What types of things are you saying to yourself? Are these internal comments helping you cope with this transition or making the transition more challenging? One way to develop helpful self-talk is to recall transitions (or other difficult situations) you’ve successfully coped with before; they can be a reminder that you can manage this too!
- Set small goals. Instead of trying to fully resolve everything related to your transition, set small feasible goals to take on one at a time. Ask yourself, “What is one small thing I can do right now?” This may include things like contacting a broker about a new apartment, scheduling a doctor’s appointment, or responding to a text from a friend.
- Stay connected. Social support is critical during times of transition. Chatting with a family member or friend can be a way to help your transition feel less lonely.
- Practice self-compassion. Change is difficult. The reality is that you aren’t always going to navigate life transitions perfectly. While these recommendations can be useful in making transitions a bit easier, it is important to also be kind and compassionate to yourself during this time. Not sure how to do this? Ask yourself, “If my best friend was in this situation, what would I say to them to be supportive?” Then offer that same statement to yourself. If you aren’t sure what you would say, then try this: “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or stressed when navigating a change in life. I’m just going to do the best I can in this moment.”
When to Seek Help
We all experience life transitions, and some are harder than others. If you find yourself experiencing a high degree of distress during a life transition that is significantly impacting your mood, ability to work, social interactions, or any other important life area you may benefit from a consultation with a therapist.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I cope with an unexpected life transition?
Unexpected transitions (e.g., a sudden job loss, or health crisis) can be especially hard because you haven’t had time to prepare. When they happen, it helps to focus on what’s in front of you rather than the whole situation at once: instead of trying to solve everything, identify one small, manageable step you can take right now. It’s also normal to feel a wave of stress, anxiety, or even grief in the early days of the change. Cut yourself some slack rather than expecting yourself to immediately ‘have it together.’ Leaning on friends, family, or a therapist for support during this period can also make a significant difference in how manageable the transition feels.
Is it normal to feel anxious or depressed during a life transition?
Yes — anxiety and low mood are both common during life transitions, even ones you’re happy about. Depression can happen during a life transition for a couple of reasons. One is that the change (e.g., moving to a new state for work), even though it’s something you may have wanted, may deprive you of mood-boosting activities that were part of your former routine (e.g., your favorite gym class, your local friends, your community connections). Another reason depression can develop during a life transition is that stress and uncertainty can lead to unhelpful thinking patterns (sometimes called cognitive distortions), such as catastrophizing about the future or discounting your ability to cope.
What are some healthy ways to cope with stress during a life transition?
Establishing a new routine, paying attention to your self-talk, and working to maintain your important social connections are all helpful steps during a life transition. Transitions can be stressful, and if you let your relationships fall away because of the demands on your time or the general challenge of the situation, you may suffer as a result.
What are some examples of common life transitions?
Common life transitions include starting college, getting married, becoming a parent, changing careers, moving to a new city or state, divorce, retirement, coping with a serious illness, or losing a loved one. Even positive changes can bring stress and uncertainty because they require adjustment to new circumstances and routines.
The Takeaway
Life transitions often bring uncertainty, stress, and emotional ups and downs — even when the change is ultimately a positive one. While these periods of adjustment can be challenging, coping strategies such as maintaining routines, setting realistic expectations, practicing self-compassion, and leaning on supportive relationships can help make the process more manageable.
If you’re finding that a life transition is affecting your mood, relationships, work, or overall well-being, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Therapy can provide support, perspective, and practical tools to help you adjust to change and move forward with greater confidence.
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