Last updated: October 21st, 2025
With contributions from Grace Anderson, Ph.D.
A crisis situation is short-term but often highly stressful, with the potential for negative outcomes. Crisis survival skills are helpful when your emotions are threatening to get the best of you and you’re tempted to take unhelpful actions.
The STOP skill is one of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)’s crisis survival skills (along with TIP, IMPROVE the Moment, ACCEPTS, Self-Soothe and others). STOP is designed to help you cope with overwhelming emotions and tolerating seemingly unbearable situations without engaging in impulsive or harmful behaviors that can make matters worse.
Think of it as an “emergency mindfulness” skill to use when emotions feel too high to think clearly. To use this skill properly, you follow four steps in sequence, Stop, Take a step back, Observe, and Proceed mindfully.
Stop! The first step is simply to stop – sometimes quite literally. Don’t move, don’t speak, don’t act on the emotion. Pause before the emotion takes control and makes decisions for you.
Think of a situation in which you become very emotional and would typically do something that ends up making things worse. For example, if you’re angry, maybe you have the impulse to slam a door, yell at someone, or hurt someone in some way. If you’re lonely, maybe you have the impulse to text someone you know you shouldn’t. Now picture yourself in that moment – what it would be like to have that emotion, feeling the urge to act on it – and then freeze instead. That pause creates space for you to regain control and proceed to the next step.
Take a step back. Allow yourself a little time to sort things through. Remember that your emotion might be strong, but it doesn’t get to decide what you do — you do. Take slow, deep breaths if necessary to calm your body and take some of the steam out of the emotion.
For example, let’s say you’re furious during an argument with your romantic partner. The anger feels off the charts, and in the past when you’ve been this intensely angry, you’ve thrown things. During the first step of STOP, you would have stopped arguing (at least temporarily). In this step, you may even physically remove yourself from the situation by going into another room or taking a walk outside to give the anger a chance to subside. You might take a few moments and wait for your heart rate and breathing to slow down before deciding what to do next.
Observe. Take stock of what you’re experiencing. Notice what’s happening with your own mind and body. Are you feeling tension in your muscles? Where? Are tears running down your face? How do they feel against your skin? Is your jaw clenched? Are your thoughts racing? Which thoughts are coming up? Is it the same one or two repeating? Are they about the past or the present? Notice what is happening around you. What is the situation? Is someone saying something? What are others around you doing? Get curious about what you’re experiencing — inside and out.
Try to observe and describe what’s happening without judgmental language (e.g., “my partner did not take out the trash” as opposed to “my partner is selfish, lazy, and never helps with chores”). Imagine how a stranger might describe the situation.
Proceed mindfully. By this step of the DBT STOP skill, you’ve taken some of the edge off of the emotion. You, not the emotion, are in control of what you are doing and have the choice in how you proceed. Try to invoke wise mind by thinking through what a desirable outcome to the current situation would be. What outcome would be consistent with your wants, needs, and values? What outcome will you feel best about tomorrow or next week? Try to proceed in line with these considerations.
For example, let’s say you went on a really bad date and it’s made you feel lonely and have an impulse to text your ex. But you know that if you do, whatever connection or care you may feel will also come with feelings of guilt or regret, possibly leaving you feeling worse later.. Once you’ve gone through the first three steps – freezing before texting, taking a deep breath, and observing you are feeling lonely and are tempted to text your ex – the proceed mindfully step can help you determine what action to take. You are aware you want to text your ex but you also anticipate this will destabilize your life for days or weeks to come. Therefore you decide the best thing you can do is to reach out to another friend or loved one who can give you a similar sense of connection and care.
Using the STOP skill from DBT can prevent a difficult moment from becoming the start of a bigger problem. If you anticipate an upcoming stressful situation, try practicing STOP ahead of time. The more familiar you are with the steps, the easier it will be to use the skill when emotions are high. Good luck!
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