Wise Mind ACCEPTS is a group of skills that comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT focuses on helping you manage strong emotions and difficult relationships. The ACCEPTS skills help you cope with and tolerate distress.
We have all experienced difficult problems that can’t be solved immediately. When that happens, strong emotions of frustration, anger, sadness, or jealousy can arise and be hard to deal with. Unfortunately, many common strategies to cope with these intense negative emotions can make the situation worse. For example, responding by trying to avoid the problem or by numbing your emotions with alcohol or drugs can worsen an already difficult situation.
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The ACCEPTS skills are tools that help you distract from painful emotions in helpful ways. For example:
Ashley is sitting in a doctor’s office waiting to get an important test result. Understandably, she is very nervous – it’s all she can think about. She decides to do the puzzle that is offered in the waiting room to help keep your mind busy. This helps lessen the intensity of her worry a bit, and time passes more quickly until she is called in to meet the doctor.
What Does Wise Mind ACCEPTS Mean in DBT?
What is your wise mind? This is a term used in DBT to describe a mindset balanced between awareness of your emotions on one hand, and facts and reason on the other. Wise mind can help you make decisions that are in line with your values, knowledge, judgment, and experience. Your wise mind can also help you cope in more balanced ways, rather than being pulled too much by emotions or by strict logic.
ACCEPTS is an acronym for different ways to distract yourself. By using the ACCEPTS skills, you bring down the intensity of difficult emotions. This helps you be more in touch with your wise mind – aware of both your emotions and reason, rather than just one or the other. Below is an explanation of each wise mind ACCEPTS skill:
Activities: Distract yourself with activities. Focus on something that needs to get done – maybe vacuuming or doing the dishes, even if it’s the last thing you want to do. Or you could watch a movie, sit outside, exercise, play a game, call a friend, or eat a favorite meal. Find some way to redirect your energy, giving your full attention to that activity.
Contributing: Contribute something to others. This could be doing something thoughtful for someone else, volunteering, or giving away items that you do not need. This could also be telling someone something that you appreciate about them or writing your friend a card.
Comparisons: Shift your focus to comparing your current situation. Even though this moment might feel excruciating, are there things you can be grateful for? For example, you might say to yourself “I know that right now, things feel horrible. But I can acknowledge that I have food to eat and a roof over my head.” Can you think of things that are not as bad going on in your life right now? Spending time on this sort of comparison can be a helpful exercise in tough moments.
Another way of utilizing this skill is to try and think of situations that were as or more difficult that you coped with in the past. Remind yourself that you got through it, even though it was tough.
Emotions: Distract yourself with a different emotion than what you are currently feeling. Watch a movie, read a book, or listen to music that evokes a different emotion – like a scary movie if you are feeling jealous or embarrassed, or a happy song if you are feeling isolated.
Pushing Away: Push away the distressing situation for a little while. Imagine putting your emotions in a box and tucking them away on a bookshelf for a bit. Create some space between you and your emotions. If you notice yourself slipping into rumination, tell yourself “No” and turn to another distraction technique.
Thoughts: Change your thinking and place your attention on something else. Say the alphabet backwards, name as many colors as you can, do a puzzle or read something engaging! Actively try to redirect your thoughts to a different topic.
Sensations: Turn your attention to different sensations. Take a bite of something sour, like biting into a lemon, or eat a spicy meal! Listen to fast, upbeat music. Tune into your senses and try to bring forth different emotions through them.
Why Do the ACCEPTS Skills Matter?
The ACCEPTS skills are tools that distract you during stressful situations. Distraction can be intentional and purposeful. Especially in the short-term, it is a great way to pass time in a beneficial way. Instead of sinking deeper into an unpleasant emotion, you can bring about a pleasant one. This might not change the situation fundamentally, but it helps you get through it until the strong emotions subside. The ACCEPTS skills help you get past a difficult moment so that you can address the situation using more impactful approaches later.
How to Incorporate Wise Mind ACCEPTS into Daily Life
Distraction can be used every day to help you get through tough emotions. The ACCEPTS acronym is a handy reminder of different types of distraction. Even in small daily situations, you can use ACCEPTS to distract.
Examples might include putting on a playlist of upbeat music while sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic, or giving a coworker a compliment when you’re having a tough day at work. These small acts bring forth a different, pleasant emotion. They can help difficult emotions take up less space in your day.
Example: Applying Distraction Skills to a Challenging Situation
Courtney got into a big fight with her best friend last night. She is feeling extremely hurt by some of the things her friend said about her. They decided to meet up in person today to talk through their disagreement.
Courtney is feeling overwhelmed by feelings of bitterness and disrespect because of how her friend treated her. While she wants to calm down, all she can think about is their meet-up later in the day.
Courtney recently learned about the wise mind ACCEPTS skills in her DBT skills group. She knows that she often ruminates, which can make her emotions even stronger. If she continues to ruminate on those feelings, she knows it will probably get in the way of communicating her feelings to her friend later.
She decides to use the P in ACCEPTS (Pushing Away). She visualizes putting her bitterness in a box and leaving it on a shelf deep in her closet. Then she puts her disappointment in a box and leaves it next to bitterness on the shelf. She imagines shutting her closet door and leaving her unpleasant emotions in there for a while.
To help herself distract, she makes a list of tasks around her home (Activities) that she could reasonably get done, like putting away laundry and watering her plants. While her fight with her friend hasn’t changed, she’s helped herself get through the several hours of waiting. Without distraction, she could have further amplified her negative emotions.
Example: Applying Wise Mind ACCEPTS to Everyday Moments
Earlier in the week, Wyatt went on a first date with a new potential romantic partner. Feeling like the date went well, he sent her a text today suggesting they grab a drink together over the weekend. After a few hours, he still hasn’t heard back from her! Wyatt notices his anxiety increasing, wondering if he misinterpreted potential signals of interest. He finds it hard to think of anything else and keeps checking his phone to see if she’s responded.
He decides to watch some funny videos from his favorite YouTube account to try and change his emotion from nervousness and confusion to cheerful (Activities and Emotions). This helps pass some time. Afterward, he eats his favorite sour candy and tries to pay attention to the unique flavors and experiences of his taste buds (Sensations). Although he still notices some lingering anxiety, that emotion feels less intense because of his use of the ACCEPTS skills. He is able to get through these tough moments until his anxiety subsides.
Barriers to Implementing Wise Mind ACCEPTS
Sometimes, you might feel so consumed by an emotion that thinking about ways to distract yourself seems impossible. In this case, find ways to lower the intensity of your emotions a bit — like turning down the thermostat in a hot room. The TIPP skills can help you decrease intense emotions in a crisis so that you can use other distraction skills.
Another obstacle to using the wise mind ACCEPTS skills is lack of a plan. It can be hard to use a new skill. Try to practice Wise Mind ACCEPTS during calm or non-stressful situations. This can help you to figure out which types of ACCEPTS skills work best for you. Then, when stressful situations do arise, you’ll know what to do, feel prepared, and ready to give them a try!
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