Life is full of choices. Everyday life can pull you in different directions, and sometimes it seems impossible to find peace within yourself. The story of the Two Wolves offers a metaphor for understanding these inner conflicts, suggesting a way to shift your mindset as you work toward a more balanced and meaningful life.
The Story of the Two Wolves
The story of the Two Wolves is often attributed to Native American folklore. However, it seems to have actually originated from a Christian minister. Regardless of the source, it usually goes like this:
An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life. He told the boy:
“A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One is dark—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is light—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee replied: “The one I feed.”
The Dark Wolf
The “dark wolf” represents the negative qualities that can sometimes dominate people’s lives. The chief mentioned things like greed, arrogance, and resentment, among others. But the dark wolf can represent any trait or characteristic (e.g., vindictiveness, stubbornness, ingratitude) that can cloud your judgment, harm your mental health, and lead you away from living a fulfilling life.
The Light Wolf
The “light wolf” represents the opposite – the positive qualities that people can have. Though the chief mentioned a few, such as kindness, generosity, and humility, we have many other positive traits and characteristics (e.g., patience, diligence, courage) that may not be obvious when we’re going through life’s challenges. This wolf might seem like the weaker of the two when you’re faced with difficult situations, but it can be nurtured and strengthened over time.
The Power of Choice
“Feeding the wolves” is about the choices you make. Every thought, action, and reaction feeds either the dark wolf or the light wolf. In other words, everyday choices help you either neglect or cultivate personal characteristics in yourself.
Everyone has a unique blend of personal characteristics. Some personality traits may naturally feel more dominant or natural for you. Other qualities may seem weaker — though the Cherokee chief would suggest that they aren’t weaker so much as lying dormant, waiting for you to develop them. It’s easy to fall into routines in which certain traits seem to control you while you ignore others that might serve you better. But, just like in the story of the Two Wolves, you have the power to nurture the qualities that bring you closer to your values and goals.
Choosing exactly which characteristics to cultivate isn’t always easy — especially when facing stress or difficult emotions. However, you can shape who you are by following a two-step process: first, deciding which goals and values in life matter the most to you. Then, once you’ve decided, you can more intentionally make choices that align with those values — for example, kindness, integrity, patience, or courage. This doesn’t mean rejecting all of your “dark wolf” traits but understanding which personal characteristics will support the life you want and which ones may be holding you back.
How To Cultivate the Qualities You Want
One way to make lasting changes is to focus on characteristics that align with your vision for who you want to become. Let’s look at an example: imagine you want to become a more patient parent because you value creating a calm, supportive environment for your children. In that case, you might decide to focus on handling frustrating moments with compassion rather than anger towards your child. Each time you choose patience over irritation, you’re actively cultivating that quality. Over time, it becomes part of who you are, and you’ll find yourself living in alignment with your goal of being a supportive parent.
Similarly, if you’re working toward becoming more courageous, you might push yourself to speak up more at work or take on new challenges even when they scare you. By stepping out of your comfort zone in these small ways, you’re feeding the “light wolf” of courage, which can ultimately help you feel more fulfilled and aligned with your goals.
Making choices guided by positive qualities like patience, forgiveness, or empathy, even in minor interactions, is a way of nurturing our “light wolf.” Feeding the light wolf is like strengthening a muscle. Over time, your capacity for compassion, patience, and understanding grows. The dark wolf becomes easier to manage—not because it disappears, but because the light wolf has grown stronger. Over time, the seemingly small everyday decisions you make don’t just become habits — they can be solidified as part of our personality.
The Link Between Mental Health and Positive Traits
There’s growing research showing that nurturing positive traits isn’t just good for your relationships or career — it’s essential for your mental well-being. Deliberately practicing gratitude, thinking optimistically, and being more mindful has been shown to help enhance well-being and lower depressive symptoms. Being kind towards other people can help reduce stress and emotional distress. Kindness to others and forgiveness to yourself may both improve psychological functioning and even physical health. Taking a loving, kind, caring perspective of yourself and others is associated with improved mindfulness, compassion, and psychological symptoms.
In contrast, fostering negative qualities can potentially be detrimental to your well-being. For instance, greed is associated with lower quality of life, poorer mental health symptoms, and higher aggression. Similarly, envy is related to worsened mental health and well-being in the future. Dwelling on regret can contribute to depression and anxiety symptoms, and being aggressive towards others is related to depression and problematic substance use later in life.
When you invest in qualities like gratitude, kindness, and courage, you’re building up your own ability to handle stress and challenges more effectively. This isn’t about forcing positivity. It’s about creating habits that improve your mental resilience over time.
Self-Reflection and Deeper Knowing
Often, you may not even realize which wolf you’re feeding — the dark wolf or the light wolf. This is where self-reflection and mindfulness come into play. By slowing down and taking the time to ask yourself, “What does each wolf want from me right now?” and “Which wolf do I want to feed right now?” you can become more aware of your choices and their impact on your well-being.
This practice of mindfulness helps you make conscious, intentional decisions about how to respond to your emotions and thoughts. By deliberately deciding which wolf to feed, you can empower yourself to lead a more balanced and healthier life.
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