Understanding Opposite Action in DBT
Managing emotions can feel like riding a rollercoaster. Sometimes, our feelings take us in directions that don’t serve us well, leading to actions that make things worse rather than better. But what if you could learn a simple yet powerful technique to help manage those emotions? Consider “opposite action,” a skill from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
The Science Behind Opposite Action
Emotional experiences and their impact on well-being
Emotions play a big role in our daily lives. They can be motivators for positive behavior, like when we help others out of empathy. They can also lead to actions that harm us, like when we lash out in anger. When emotions become overwhelming, they can cloud our judgment. This can make it harder to act in ways that align with our long-term goals and well-being.
Scientists studying emotion have found that one of the most basic ways to change an emotion, like sadness, guilt and shame, fear and anxiety, and anger, is by acting in ways that counter our emotional impulses. People who have practiced this skill in therapy have found that even though it can be challenging and tiring, this skill has helped them move forward with their lives. It’s helped them experience more positive and less negative emotions, and have a greater sense of freedom.
The principles of Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is an effective therapy for a wide range of common mental health problems. It was developed to help people manage their emotions, especially when those emotions drive behaviors that are damaging or counterproductive.
A central principle of DBT is balancing the needs for acceptance and change. If you always just accept things as they are, you might never be motivated to make progress on your goals. But if you onlypush yourself to change and never use acceptance to cope, you might get easily frustrated. You might tend to lean on self-criticism as a motivational tool, which makes it harder to achieve lasting progress. A part of doing DBT involves learning skills that help you to both accept and change things in your life — depending on what the situation calls for.
Opposite Action
One DBT skill that’s focused on change is opposite action. This technique helps you shift your emotions by intentionally doing the opposite of what your feelings are urging you to do. It’s a way to take charge and break free from emotional habits that may not serve you well.
How to Implement Opposite Action
Identifying your emotions
The first step is figuring out what you’re feeling. Are you angry, sad, scared, or something else? Getting clear about what emotion you’re actually feeling is important because it helps you decide how to respond. If you’re not sure exactly what you’re feeling, check out this list of emotions and see if any of them fit.
Checking if your emotions “fit the facts”
Sometimes our feelings don’t quite match the reality of a situation. For example, you were angry because you think a friend ignored your text, but later realize their phone was dead. Opposite action works best when your emotions don’t line up with the facts.
If your emotion does fit the facts, then you might want to consider using a different strategy, like problem solving, instead of opposite action.
SEE ALSO: Why You Have Intense Emotions, and How to Cope
Examining the effectiveness of “emotion urges”
Every feeling is accompanied by an urge, or a drive to do something. Even when your emotions make sense, acting on them isn’t always the best choice.
So first, ask yourself: “What is my emotion urging me to do?”
Then ask yourself: “If I follow what this feeling is driving me to do, will it help me or hurt me in the long run?” If it’s likely to hurt you, using opposite action may help.
Choosing contrasting actions
Once you know what your emotion is and what it’s urging you to do, pick an action that goes in the opposite direction. For instance, if you’re feeling sad and want to isolate yourself, you might try calling a friend instead. If you’re anxious and feel like avoiding something, you could take one small step toward facing it.
Committing to and following through with those actions
The final step is to follow through with your plan. This might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but the more you practice, the easier it gets. Think of it like building a muscle—it takes time, but it’s worth it.
Practical Examples of Opposite Action
- Sadness and Isolation: When sadness tempts you to stay in bed, opposite action might mean going for a walk or connecting with a friend.
- Anger and Aggression: If anger urges you to lash out, try calming techniques like deep breathing or speaking gently instead.
- Fear/Anxiety and Avoidance: When anxiety pushes you to avoid a situation, take one manageable step toward confronting it.
- Shame and Guilt: If shame or guilt makes you want to hide away from the world and avoid other people, you could try telling the secret to someone who you know will be accepting of it. You could also try apologizing to the person that was hurt by your actions.
Examples of using opposite action
Carla’s Anxiety
Carla feels nervous about public speaking at a work meeting. She notices herself feeling intense anxiety — her heart races and her palms are sweaty. Carla has spiraling thoughts about how she might make a total fool of herself. She tries to “check the facts” and realizes that while the meeting is important, she prepared for it well and there’s no obvious reason to believe she’ll fail. It makes sense for Carla to feel anxious, and at the same time, the intensity of the feeling is beyond the facts of the situation.
Carla wants to avoid the meeting by calling in sick, or delegating the presentation to a coworker. The opposite of these anxiety urges is to attend the meeting and deliver the presentation just like she planned and practiced it. So she prepares her materials, takes deep breaths, steps into the room, and does her presentation. And by the end, she feels proud of herself for pushing through.
Justin’s Anger
Justin is furious at his girlfriend for forgetting their anniversary. His anger might fit the facts — after all, his girlfriend forgot something meaningful. He has the urge to yell at her, make her feel as badly as he feels, and slam the door behind him. But yelling, blaming, or acting aggressively won’t help the situation, and might do even more damage to his relationship.
He loves his girlfriend, knows she has been overwhelmed, and wants to work on this relationship, so he tries to choose an opposite action. Instead of lashing out, he decides to change how he’s feeling by cooking her a special dinner. He channels his energy into preparing a meal, reminding himself of the reasons he values their relationship. When his girlfriend comes home, he says, “I know things have been hectic lately, so I thought we could take a moment to enjoy a nice dinner together.” This approach fosters connection rather than conflict, giving them an opportunity to appreciate each other and move forward.
By the end of the night, Justin feels more connected to his girlfriend and, through their dinner conversation, more understanding of the stress she is under that caused her to forget their anniversary.
Common Questions about Opposite Action
Is opposite action always effective?
Opposite action is a powerful tool, but it’s not foolproof. It works best when paired with other DBT skills and when emotions don’t fit the facts. Remember to practice self-compassion and give yourself grace if it doesn’t work perfectly every time. Judging yourself harshly for struggling with it not only can undermine how helpful the skill can be, but also is unfair to you—learning how to make this skill work for you takes time and effort.
Opposite action also works better if you do it “all the way.” For example, if you’re feeling sad and want to stay in bed all day, going “all the way” would mean not only leaving your room but also engaging actively with other people, calling a friend, or doing basic self-care tasks, even if you don’t feel like it. You don’t necessarily need to act cheerful and happy if you’re not—but making the effort to be present and show up for yourself or others can help you feel better about yourself at the end of the day.
How does it fit into a broader therapeutic approach?
Opposite action becomes even more effective when combined with other therapy skills, like “checking the facts” above. Remember, DBT is all about balancing acceptance and change. If you’re in a crisis and too overwhelmed to even think about what emotions and urges you’re having, it might help to first use a crisis survival skill to bring down the intensity of your feelings. Before you start to change what you’re feeling, you might need to practice mindfulness, acknowledge and accept the emotions you’re feeling, and maybe even show yourself compassion, to gain clarity before you “check the facts” and decide on the best course of action.
Secondly, opposite action is not about acting impulsively against your feelings. Instead, it’s rooted in being able to manage overwhelming emotions so that they don’t get in the way of building the life you want to live. With practice, opposite action can help you learn to disentangle emotions from behaviors so you can feel empowered to make choices based not just how you feel in the moment, but based on how you want to feel and act.
SEE ALSO: DBT vs CBT: How to Know Which Is Right for You
Is it just a matter of willpower and “forcing” myself to do things?
While it might feel forced at first, opposite action is about being intentional in the way you respond to your feelings. It’s not about ignoring your feelings or sweeping them under the rug—it’s about noticing those feelings but choosing to do something different so that your emotions have less power over your actions. Practicing this skill means practicing being in the driver’s seat, instead of letting your feelings dictate what you do.
Benefits of Using Opposite Action
Better emotional regulation
By intentionally choosing actions that counter your emotional urges, you can regain a sense of control and prevent emotions from dictating your decisions.
Increased resilience in challenging situations
Opposite action equips you with tools to change or de-intensify your emotions when it’s not helpful to act on them. Not all challenging situations will call for opposite action, but you can have it in your back pocket for whenever it might be useful.
Improved coping strategies when overwhelmed
Instead of feeling trapped by overwhelming emotions, this skill provides a roadmap to handle them in healthier, less impulsive ways.
Seeking Professional Support for Better Outcomes
Opposite action can be challenging and exhausting to implement on your own—that’s why having support is so important. Working with a therapist trained in DBT can provide guidance, accountability, and support as you learn this skill. A therapist can also help you identify when and how to use opposite action effectively and provide a safe environment to practice, troubleshoot difficulties, and build your confidence. They can provide personalized feedback and help tailor the skill to your specific challenges and goals.
If you’re interested in learning more, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. At the Manhattan Center for Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy we have several CBT therapists who can help you implement opposite action and other helpful strategies to manage your mood and emotions.
