Manhattan Center for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Schedule an appointment
  • Home
  • Teletherapy
  • Affiliated Therapists
  • Problems Treated
    • Anxiety
    • Panic Attacks
    • Insomnia
    • Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
    • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
      • POCD: Pedophilic OCD
      • HOCD – “Gay OCD”
      • Harm OCD
      • Hit and Run OCD
      • Existential OCD
    • Depression
    • Social Anxiety
    • Trichotillomania
    • Dermatillomania (Skin Picking)
  • Resources
    • What is CBT?
    • How to Get Started with CBT
    • What Is Mindfulness?
    • Free PTSD evaluations for frontline medical workers
    • Worksheets
    • Links
  • Training
    • The MCCBT externship
    • The MCCBT Postdoctoral Fellowship
  • Blog
  • Contact us
Home » Blog » Anxiety » Shyness and Social Anxiety: How to Know When You Need Help

Shyness and Social Anxiety: How to Know When You Need Help

August 1, 2014 by Dr. Paul Greene

What is the difference between shyness and social anxiety? Is shyness a problem? Read on to learn more.

Shyness

shyness and social anxiety boy behind tree

We have all felt shy at some point, even if it was many years ago. The standard definition of shyness basically involves feeling uncomfortable in the presence of others.

But is shyness a problem? Sometimes it can be seen as endearing, but other times it can impede our ability to get things done. For example, if you are shy enough that you need to ask others to do things on your behalf, then shyness is getting in your way. But what can we do about it?

Can You Become Less Shy?

Shyness is often referred to as a “trait,” meaning that it is a permanent aspect of our character. Even the dictionary says that shyness connotes “a constitutional shrinking from contact or close association with others.” But we don’t have to see it as constitutional. Shyness can be changed. Therefore it makes sense to think of shyness as a temporary state rather than a stable trait.

In extreme form, shyness can turn in to social anxiety disorder, a clinical diagnosis. Children and adolescents who are shy can be at greater risk to develop this problem as they get older. Whether the problem is just shyness or it has become social anxiety disorder, there are things you can do to become more comfortable interacting with others.

Shyness and Social Fitness

The Social Fitness Model, as described by Lynne Henderson, Ph.D., describes how we can reduce shyness. Dr. Henderson says that “As with physical exercise, there are many ways to exercise socially.” Shyness is partially the result of years of habit; cognitive and behavioral habits to be specific. For example, if we think “he/she will yell at me” whenever we need to talk to our boss, we may develop a self-reinforcing habit of avoiding him or her. This happens in a sequence of stages: first we have the thought about how our boss will react, then we have a bit of anxiety about it, then we decide to avoid him or her, and finally we experience relief from the anxiety. This type of pattern is common, but as Dr. Henderson suggests we can practice, or “exercise,” doing things differently.

Cognitive-behavioral treatment of social anxiety involves exactly that: practicing doing things that may feel uncomfortable at first. Over several repetitions, these social situations become increasingly comfortable. This type of exercise is called “exposure,” and is an important component of how social anxiety can be treated, often without the use of medication.

Therapy for social anxiety also asks us to examine the assumptions we often make about how others see us. We also make assumptions about how others will react to our saying or doing something. “Mind reading” is the name for this type of thinking, and we can learn to engage in it less often.

Shyness and social anxiety don’t have to define the rest of your life. If you’re ready to make a change, reach out to learn more about cognitive-behavioral treatment.

Contact Us

Subscribe to the Manhattan Center for Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy blog!

Related posts from manhattanCBT.com:

Filed Under: Anxiety, Social Anxiety

Manhattan Center for CBT

Search

Key resources

  • Anxiety: Everything you need to know
  • Mindfulness -- A beginner's guide
  • A comprehensive guide to PTSD
  • How to Find a Therapist
  • OCD Overview
  • Insomnia resource page
  • Panic Attacks -- Get informed
  • Social Anxiety guide
  • Trichotillomania information
  • Depression -- Ultimate guide
  • Stay up to date with ManhattanCBT

    Enter your email to subscribe and receive new posts via email.

    Categories

    • Addiction
    • American mental healthcare
    • Anxiety
    • Cancer
    • Career
    • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
    • Coronavirus
    • DBT
    • Depression
    • Eating disorders
    • Evidence-based treatment
    • Featured
    • Insomnia
    • Kids and teens
    • Mindfulness and meditation
    • OCD
    • Panic attacks
    • PTSD
    • Social Anxiety

    Affiliated Therapist Writings

    • Amoha Bajaj-Mahajan, Ph.D.
      • Shy and Dating? Helpful Tips from a Psychologist
      • How to Understand and Overcome Your Anxiety at Work
    • Anna Womack, Ph.D.
      • Self-Care Tips for the Coronavirus Outbreak
      • Unhappy at Work? 3 Options for Job Satisfaction
    • Carly Geller, Psy.D.
      • Cognitive Distortions and What to Do About Them
      • Why You Have Intense Emotions, and How to Cope
    • Rachel Chang, Psy.D.
      • How to Be Awesome at Self-Soothing and Self-Care
      • Accepting Things As They Are: Why and How to Do It
    • Jennifer Chen, Psy.D.
      • Mindfulness of Emotions: How Can It Help You?
      • How to Survive Holiday Stress
    • Justin Arocho, Ph.D.
      • How to Deal With the Torment of Relationship Obsessions
      • FOMO: Fear of Missing Out
    • Kristen Piering, Psy.D.
      • Coronavirus: Tips for Parents During Social Distancing
      • “Will I Get Sick Too?” — Talking to Your Children and Teens about Coronavirus
    • Melissa Aiello, Ph.D.
      • Why Do I Hate My Job?
      • How to Overcome the Vicious Cycle of Depression and Avoidance
    • Dr. Paul Greene
      • Avoidance: There’s No Escaping Its Importance to Anxiety
      • How to Handle a Fear of Driving

    Contact Information

    Manhattan Center for
    Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
    276 Fifth Avenue, Suite #905
    New York, NY 10001 (map)
    1-646-863-4225
    https://manhattancbt.com

    Copyright © 2020 Manhattan Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy/Psychology, PLLC, d.b.a. the Manhattan Center for Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy & Paul B. Greene, Ph.D. except where otherwise noted.

    Connect With Us

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Phone
    • RSS
    • Twitter

    Recent Tweets

    Tweets by @anxietyocd

    Recent Posts

    • Avoidance: There’s No Escaping Its Importance to Anxiety
    • How to Handle a Fear of Driving
    • OCD and Depression: How Are They Connected?
    • How to Stop a Panic Attack
    • SGB Injection: A Promising New PTSD Treatment
    • Should You Go to Urgent Care for Anxiety?
    • OCD
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Social Anxiety
    • Insomnia
    • Trichotillomania
    • Mindfulness
    • Panic Attacks